The perils of hero worship
by otherhawk
Summary: Who wouldn't want to work with Ocean's 11? Anyone with an ounce of sanity, that's who. Set after O13


**Disclaimer: Just playing in someone's universe, some game that isn't Dominoes.**

**InSilva asked for something happy. Well, I'm not sure that she exactly asked. And I'm not sure this is exactly happy. Is bizarre close enough? Anyway mate, here you go. No nudity I'm afraid.**

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Tommy had been overjoyed at the chance to work with Linus Caldwell and Livingston Dell. It was an honour and a great opportunity all at once. Everyone knew that they were two of Ocean's 11, and Tommy had admired _them_ for years. He'd studied every detail of the Benedict job, and the thing in Italy and the Bank heist. He even had a set of scrapbooks. They were his heroes.

Which made it particularly galling that the con had failed and the three of them were locked up in the cop shop, looking at a three to five stretch.

They'd all been interviewed a couple of times now. Tommy hadn't given anything away. Even though he was a little bit terrified. He'd taken his phone call; talked to his big brother who had made it very clear to him that no matter the circumstances, he still wasn't getting any help. The cop had actually looked at him sympathetically as he'd stepped away from the phone, blinking back tears, and he'd had a mug of hot coffee pressed into his hands. Of course, it tasted like crap, but it was the thought that counted, he guessed.

They'd now been sitting in the cell for nearly six hours and the cops were looking more and more nervous. Tommy would have thought it was an open and shut case, they'd practically been caught with the goods in their hands.

Neither Linus nor Livingston seemed nervous. Well, no more than either man usually did.

"I don't want to go to jail." he said quietly.

"Don't worry, kid. It'll never come to that." Linus was leaning back on the bunk, hand pressed artistically to his temple.

Livingston looked at him and giggled. "It might." he said, and Tommy's heart sank.

"You made a phone call?" Linus swung his legs round, sat up in one easy motion and started rubbing at his mouth.

"Yeah." Livingston nodded. "Not your mom this time. And stop that."

Linus looked a little sheepish. "Mom springs me one time and I never hear the end of it."

"Like we're going to hear the end of this." Livingston grinned, and that was when the two men in suits and sunglasses came sweeping into the joint and chaos broke out.

In perfect step, the two marched briskly down the steps to the cell block, and the Sheriff followed bemused in their wake.

"Look, fellas, I'm only too happy to help the Feds out, but I really need to see some identification."

They whirled round and pulled off their sunglasses, also in perfect unison. "Look, buddy." the blond one snarled. "We left a perfectly good poker game to come down here and see if you rustic types have the assholes in custody that you say you have in custody. And so help me, if I walked out on a Full House because of some pissant bureaucratic misunderstanding, I'll . . . "

The dark haired one laid a restraining hand on his partner's arm. "Easy, Kyle." He smiled at the Sheriff who had taken a couple of steps backwards. "Look, we're not meaning to step on any toes here. But Bureau investigations of this nature take priority. And if you're not willing to help us, well we might have to start asking questions."

"Loud ones." the blond growled.

"Exactly." his partner nodded.

"Identification?" the Sheriff asked timidly.

"Of course." Simultaneously they reached into their jackets and produced and flashed their badges. "I'm Special Agent David Mulder, this is Special Agent Kyle Cooper."

Tommy just about managed not to squeak. What the hell had he ever done to deserve the attention of the FBI?

The Sheriff seemed to have something else on his mind. "Like on the X-Files."

Agent Mulder's smile grew fixed. "Yes, Like on the X-Files." His voice had the weary tone of a man who'd been hearing that one since the early nineties.

"What we're looking for here is your complete cooperation." Agent Cooper interrupted hastily. "We need a couple of hours, an interview room with no one way mirror, and no disturbances."

The Sheriff blinked. "Well, I don't know . . . "

"Look, Sheriff." Agent Cooper leaned in closer. "Right now, you're not in any real trouble. But I can tell you now that when I phone in the fact that you're impeding the progress of our enquiry, I'll be sure to mention several Code 5 violations that would be enough to subject this lousy precinct to the highest level of scrutiny. Are we clear?"

"Oh, come on, Kyle." Agent Mulder smiled. "I'm sure that won't be necessary."

Agent Cooper frowned. "Maybe not. If the interview room comes stocked with coffee and donuts."

"I'll . . . I'll see what I can do." The Sheriff stammered. "Come with me."

The two agents glanced over to the cells where the three of them were staring, then exchanged a long look with each other and followed the Sheriff back up the stairs.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god." Tommy moaned. He couldn't believe how much trouble they were suddenly in.

Over the next half hour the cops took first Livingston and then Linus away. With no-one left to try and impress, Tommy paced up and down the cell and fretted. Finally two scared-looking cops came and hauled him out.

"What did you do, kid?" one of them asked, shaking his head. "Feds are all over the place. I hear they've got reinforcements on the way."

"I don't know." he admitted.

The cop shook his head. "You'd better hope you got a good lawyer."

He bit his lip and said nothing and the cop rapped sharply on the interview room door. Agent Mulder opened it and stared at him thoughtfully for a moment. "Get in here." he said shortly, then turned to the cops. "You're dismissed."

Tommy stumbled into the room and looked around, surprised. Agent Cooper was investigating an empty box of donuts with what looked suspiciously like a pout on his face. Livingston was playing with the dismantled remains of the room's security camera. And Linus was glaring at Agent Mulder who was grinning and unfastening Tommy's handcuffs.

"What's going on?" Tommy asked, stupidly.

Everyone ignored him. "Agent Mulder?" Linus asked with a raised eyebrow. It sounded like an argument that had been going on for a while.

Agent Mulder – and Tommy was rapidly gaining the impression that wasn't his real name – held up his hands. "I didn't pick the aliases. And I didn't get to be the bad cop. Why do I never get to be the bad cop?"

"I'm more intimidating." Agent Cooper said absently and Tommy found himself nodding fervently. "See?" Cooper smiled at him. "Even he agrees."

"That's because he doesn't know you." Mulder argued. "I know you and I'm definitely not intimidated."

Cooper shrugged. "I don't try and intimidate you."

"Liar!" Mulder exclaimed.

"Of course." Cooper grinned.

"You tried to intimidate me out of my fries only yesterday."

"And you gave them to me which proves – "

" – absolutely nothing, I gave them to you because – "

" – oh, right unconditional, that doesn't explain – "

" – I didn't even like new Coke. No-one liked new Coke except you."

Tommy blinked. Livingston looked over to him. "Don't get involved." he advised.

Mulder turned to Livingston with a smile. "Livingston! Which of us would you say is more intimidating?"

Livingston closed his eyes for a long moment then sighed. "Who's being threatened?"

"What?" they asked in unison.

"Neither of you are ever intimidating unless someone's in trouble." Livingston explained. "So who's being threatened and I'll tell you."

They glanced at each other thoughtfully then turned back to Livingston. "Linus." the said, simultaneously, and Tommy thought that that could get annoying real fast.

Linus looked up. "Why me?" he demanded.

"You're very threatenable." Cooper told him, deadpan.

Mulder turned to look at him. "Threatenable?"

"Threatenable." Cooper nodded firmly.

Mulder sighed. "He cheats at Scrabble, did you know that? And Dominoes. And Clue."

"Who are you guys?" Tommy demanded, unable to take much more.

"Oh, sorry. I'm Danny Ocean and this is Rusty Ryan."

Tommy's jaw dropped.

"Wait!" Linus held up his hands. "Woah, woah, woah. First of all, don't believe everything you've heard."

"Secondly, don't try and understand anything else you hear." Livingston added.

"Third, don't believe anything they say. Ever. About anything." Linus went on.

"Fourth, don't go drinking with them." Livingston shuddered.

"And lastly, don't fall in love with Rusty." Linus stressed.

Tommy blinked. "I like girls." he pointed out.

Livingston shrugged. "Don't fall in love with Rusty."

"But I like girls." he explained.

"And I'm probably about twenty years too old for him." Rusty himself added, with an amused smile.

"I wouldn't say that." Tommy said immediately. Because he wasn't. But he wasn't some kid either.

"Don't fall in love with Rusty." Linus and Livingston said together, and Tommy wondered if it was contagious.

"So, nice to meet you." Danny said finally, shaking him by the hand. "Linus told us good things."

"What's going on?" he asked, plaintively.

"We're waiting here until Basher brings round the new van." Rusty explained. "Then we're taking you into Federal custody and we're all vanishing into the night." Danny looked at his watch. "Well, into the early dawn at the very latest."

"The new van?" Livingston looked up with a frown.

Danny glared at Rusty. "The old one blew up."

"Not my fault." Rusty said calmly.

"We had a deal." Danny pointed out.

"Yes we did." Rusty agreed.

"I don't lose Yen and you don't let Basher experiment with anything he's not supposed to."

Rusty smiled. "And where is Yen?"

Danny actually looked round as though he'd missed the fact that there wasn't another person in the room. "Well, he was with us yesterday."

There was a loud knock at the door. "Everyone put your handcuffs back on." Danny hissed, and then frowned. "Rusty, stop thinking that." He opened the door and told the cop outside that they'd be out in a minute. "Showtime."

Linus leaned over to Tommy. "Danny and Rusty have something on. That's why they were looking for us. Apparently there might be an extra spot. You interested?"

If someone had told him just three hours ago that he'd be seriously thinking of turning down a chance to work with Danny Ocean he'd have laughed in their face. But he honestly wasn't quite sure that he was cut out to handle the wall to wall crazy.

Oh, what the hell. "Sure." he said, trying to sound cool.

This, he was going to regret.

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**No prizes for getting the show Danny's alias came from, but who knows Rusty's? One of my favourite shows.**

**Anyway, hope someone enjoyed this piece of madness.**


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